My On-going Beef With Verizon

"Can you hear me now?"

No, I can't hear you, because you turned my fucking phone off for the 3rd time this month.

"How about now? Can you hear me now?"

No, but I would like to smash your face with a fucking hammer.

Not that kind of Hammer, something more like this.

It's safe to say that if I owned a hammer like this, Verizon's collective face would be smashed in and their asses considered kicked.
So, let's go back in time to February 2010. My piece-of-shit-phone known as "the Envy" finally took that long nap with it's dick in the dirt. Since, the phone was so fucking old and shitty, Verizon refused to replaced and swindled me into buy what they like to call, "the droid".

I guess my first beef with Verizon is that they falsely advertise their equiptment with bullshit names. "the envy"? Really? Tell me something, who is envious of that pile of shit? If their is one person out there, I'd like to see them. "Envy" if you're going to be accurate about it, why don't you call it, "the cellphones equivalent to a genital rash"

Maybe this chick is envious, but she also has a literal pile of shit tattooed on her forever... so, her judgment may be questionable.
Anyways, my point that I made to Verizon is that "This Droid phone fucking sucks and you cheated me into buying it. I'll pay my bill when you give me a phone that works."

So, as you can probably guess how that turned out, because my phone is now off.
I might break down and pay the damn bill, just to make them give me a new phone, but I might experience that unfamiliar to me feeling of defeat.
Yeah right, this is Slim we're talking about. I never lose and I don't back down to know one. So, what I'm going to do is break the shit out of this phone, but make it look like it's still functioning. Maybe super glue closed every open port of this phone. Immature? Maybe, but it'll teach them a lesson and save whomever gets this piece of proverbial shit as a refurbished product.
In closing, The Verizon man and his little posse down there at Verizon wireless can eat a serious shit sandwich. Now Verizon man, I ask you, can you hear ME now, loser.

I am Slim and I am an unsatisfied customer.

ps. if anyone has Verizon man's personal cell number... please give it to me. I've got beef to settle.